Shades of You
by wondercloud
Summary: Takes place after 'So, Good Talk'. Lorelai questions why Luke has chosen this moment to come back to her. Complete


**Author's Note: **_Takes place the night of 'So, Good Talk'. This has been living on my computer since then, and a little birdie told me to bring it out of the woodwork._

** Disclaimer : **_Merely borrowing the characters and setting them free in my mind. Not mine, not mine._

_

* * *

_

_Beautiful _. She knew you weren't supposed to refer to members of the male sex as being beautiful, but God, he was. There was just enough moonlight to make out the edges of his face, and she had a sense that he was sleeping more peacefully than he had in quite some time. She could say the same for herself, if she were still asleep.

And why wasn't she? It was the opportunity she'd been missing- to have Luke back in her bed; in her life. He'd come over and they'd kissed, which of course had led into more than that- they'd made love and small talk before falling asleep. But there were still so many unanswered questions and such a blurry line as to where the boundaries were. These things and more were the reasons why Lorelai's mind was at work instead of resting._ What did this mean? Why exactly had he come back? Why had he chosen this particular moment from all the others? _ Though the time apart hadn't killed her as she'd first anticipated, it had led her to think about how they'd come to separate in the first place. She desperately didn't want it to happen again.

She loved him. Lorelai had known this truth for quite some time, and was certain that he loved her in return. They were both just so stupid and stubborn and scared - _all things that begin with s _, she noted- to actually let it be known. They each had their faults, without a doubt... but maybe if they were willing to acknowledge how deeply they felt, they'd be compelled to work harder at it. Despite knowing this, she didn't think she could bring herself to do something about it.

"Luke," she whispered. They had to talk about this, and she was very much afraid that if they did it later, in the daylight, he'd make excuses. It was safer here, hidden partially in the shadows. Lorelai was pretty sure this wasn't something Luke wanted to talk about either, but she thought the chance that he'd take off into the night was pretty slim. "Luke."

His eyes opened warily, not because of where he was, but because he knew that tone of voice. The 'let's talk' voice that came at moments that he wished were peaceful. "Mmm." He rubbed a hand across his face in attempt to shake off the sleep. "What?"

She touched his arm, almost hesitantly. "I think you know what."

Precisely. He did know what, but wished he didn't. And now? In the middle of the night? Lorelai knew he wasn't a talker, and she picked times like this to trap him. _Not exactly fair _, a small voice pointed out. "Lorelai..."

She'd prepared herself to be collected, to keep a steady head and remember exactly what they needed to talk about. She was annoyed to find that her voice was shaky as emotions threatened and reasoning flew out the window. "Why did you come? Why now, tonight?"

Luke shifted uncomfortably, as best as one could in such close quarters. _May as well get it over with ._ Sooner or later, she'd find out that her mother had factored into this, and she wasn't going to like it. If they were going to start this over, they had to be open and honest, because that was what caused this mess in the first place.

"Why?" She asked again unnecessarily, shivering on the inside when he reached out to touch her face.

"Lots of things." That was true enough. _Coward_.

"Such as?"

"The boat. The play... Taylor's stupid ribbons." _Just do it. _"I just-" He stopped to sigh, dreading this confession. "I missed you. And... your mother said some things, and-"

Lorelai shot straight up. He came here because of Emily? "My _mother_! You talked to my I _mother_!" There was an awful feeling every time she choked out that word. Acid. A poisoned arrow... The entire time she'd been reveling at having Luke back, Emily was sitting somewhere with her feet propped up, glass full, and congratulating herself on a job well done.

Luke couldn't get a word in edge-wise, and this was going to go as badly as he'd imagined. She was hurt and angry, and angry at allowing herself to be hurt. "Listen, Lorelai, it's not like you think. I'm not-"

"Get out." She pulled the blanket around her tightly, using her free hand to gather up clothing and throw it in his direction. "Out!" She reinforced her command when he just sat there, staring at her numbly.

He grabbed in annoyance at his clothes. If they were going to have this out, he wasn't going to do it naked. "Damn it, Lorelai! Let me explain!"

Lorelai pulled a shirt over her head before turning around. "I don't want you to fucking explain! I don't want you talking to my _mother_, and I don't want to talk about her, and I don't..." She pressed a hand to her mouth as she sank on the floor next to the bed, wrapping herself into her knees. "I dont..." She was crying now, flat-out sobbing despite her attempt to hold it inside until he was gone and she was alone again. For the way things were so damn screwed up, for losing Luke and having him and then fighting; for everything.

His shirt landed back on the floor. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before turning in her direction. God damn it. They'd get _so close _ before the failure to communicate took over. Maybe it was his own fault for thinking that just coming over here would say it all; that showing up at Lorelai's door would just _fix _everything. They obviously weren't past it. He knew her, and he knew she was broken. That maybe he'd helped to break her, but didn't she know she'd done the same?

"Christ, Lorelai." Luke sat beside her cautiously and put an arm around her as the tears continued wordlessly. "There's more to it than that. I missed you. You're everywhere in this Goddamn town, you know that? I've been stupid and Emily just- confirmed that. I don't want you to give up your family, Lorelai. I'd never ask you to. I don't know how it's going to work but we'll do _something_."

She pulled away, slightly embarrassed that he'd comforted her even though she'd basically told him to get lost. Screamed it at him, nonetheless... and he was still here because he was _her Luke_. "It'll work," she managed. "And if it doesn't, I can deal with that. I can." She wiped furiously at her cheeks. "You're not the only stupid one."

It may have been an omen that less than five hours after they'd gotten back together, they were having a fight. Fate had never been especially kind to either of them. "I'm so sorry, Luke," she managed to say. "For then, for now, everything."

He hurt at the sadness in her eyes, thinking they probably mirrored his own. "I know," he assured. "I don't... there wasn't anything in that book about this," he only half-joked.

Lorelai gave a wry laugh. She knew the comment was made for her benefit; that he was sorry, too. "I don't think there's a book big enough for this." Silent for a moment, the thoughts processed in her head. "What did she say?" she asked softly of Emily. She'd been wrong to accuse Luke like that. He wasn't like that, and she knew it. But it still hurt, because Emily had gone to him instead of herself.

He touched her hair delicately, still afraid of the subject but sensing that Lorelai wasn't going to freak out this time. "I don't think we'll ever have her blessing, but she said she'll stay out of it."

"She expects me to believe that?" Lorelai shook her head ever so slightly. "I'd love to, really, I would. I just- it's never going to be good enough. _I'm _never going to be good enough, so you're never going to be good enough, and it's never going to stop. If it weren't you, it would be something else, believe me."

He continued tracing a hand through her hair, knowing it had a calming effect on her as he waited in silence. They needed to let one another talk; to be heard.

"It hurts that she went to you," Lorelai painfully admitted. "It's stupid, and I shouldn't care, but I do. She tried to talk and I wouldn't listen, and... I'm glad she did if it means you're here, but I just... I wanted her to overlook her high-class society rules for one second and see that you're a wonderful person and... she can't, and... I'm so afraid she's never going to." She sighed wearily against him, wondering why he put up with her the way he did. _Because he loves you_. She still wasn't sure they were ready for that. Not tonight.

"Come on," Luke finally broke the quiet as he maneuvered them to a standing position. "It's late."

"Or early," she muffled against his shoulder. Many things were yet to be discussed, but exhaustion was setting in. "I'm sorry, Luke," she gave her most heartfelt apology as they made their way into the bed again with a better sense of understanding.

He wrapped himself around her, this time with no lies between them. "I know."


End file.
